be on screen, by all means! No, what I mean is that sometimes things happen so quickly, or events come and go so quickly, that it feels like I'm watching a movie about someone else's life, instead of it being my own life and I'm living it. Does that make sense?!
I think it's because I have so many dreams and plans constantly swirling in my head that when they are actually realised or actually happening, I feel almost like a distance to it, because it has been in my mind for so long. Like last Friday, for instance. We had United in church, I think I had been waiting for that day for the past six months or something like that. Since January, every Friday night in church Brendan mentioned: "And we will have UNITED with us on the 9th of JUNE," before showing a clip of the DVD on their newest album, 'united we stand'.
I can't wait to have United in church, it's gonna be so cool! They usually play for thousands, wow what a privilege to have them in a church with only 350 people in each service.
And then yesterday, as I was listening to their newest album, I thought about how it would be like to hear them live, it would be such a powerful worship.
Hang on.
Didn't that just happen last week?!
It feels like it didn't really happen, I just saw it on TV.
Same when I got the diploma for my L1 in Art History. I suddenly realised I'd been studying Art History for a year.
And when I woke up this morning, I thought about the summer vacation. "I wonder how it's gonna be like to go home".
You ARE home, weirdo!
And when I tell people that my summer job is working as a receptionist, I picture a girl typing on a computer, answering phones, and that girl is not me, it's someone else. Do I do that?
It's not that my life is so great it's almost surreal, even though I love being Kathrine atm, it's more like I constantly see myself in 3rd person, and I constantly see my life in rerun. I realise I am living only afterwards.
Is it a typical example of not living in the present?
Maybe I should start living more in the present. As in:
I am a receptionist. I am on the phone with the Head of Dep in Holland, I just sent an email to Stine, lunch break is in 40 min, this is my work place for 12 weeks and I am working here now.
I am home in Norway. I have summer holiday and I am in Stavanger where my parents live. This is my parents. I grew up here. I am here now. (In fact, I am about to write a blog entry for my blog).
My name is Kathrine and I am 21 years old. This is my life, right now. I am 21 years.
Being aware of the present and being in it at any given moment, that is quite possibly the biggest challenge ever, and most likely one of the most important things we need to do aswell.
Not that I'm not living in the present. I am. I'm an expert in remarking this is nice what I am doing now. But my life in general; it feels more liike someone else's life than my own.
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